Cole Grace is a 10 year old boy from West Warwick who was diagnosed with a Grade IV Glioblastoma (a rare cancerous brain tumor) on January 27, 2012. He was Rock n Roll Royalty after he met and skyped with Steven Tyler of Aerosmith and they sang "Walk This Way" together.
I knew Cole through his mother Jen and his aunt Jaimie who both worked at T's with me. And after he was diagnosed I did everything in my power to help them. T's in East Greenwich put on "Caring for Cole" events like a wine tasting and donate a table day, where each server donated the tips collected from the entire day from a designated table to Cole. After having a brain tumor myself, I wanted to help the Grace family. Cole Grace was has been in hospice and passed away Sunday morning. He will be remembered by so many, by his smile, his laugh, and his love for rock n' roll. (and of course his name on the Pink Heals Rescue)
To be perfectly honest in high school I was a prude (dictionary.com - A person who is or claims to be easily shocked by matters relating to sex or nudity.) Within my group of friends I was the last to have sex, and they always poked fun at me because of it. But I was raised on the mindset that I should wait until I'm married to have sex, and can only have sex with one person in my lifetime, and I obviously cannot talk to anyone about sex. But thankfully my mindset has changed over time. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not someone who sleeps around, but I am someone who believes that it is healthy to have sex as long as you're smart about it.
This is why I thought Rachel Rabbit White's: 8 Ways To Be Positive You're Sex Positive was a perfect example of why sex is ok. Right off the bat she says, "Having sex is healthy, but so is NOT HAVING SEX!!!" Sex positivity has long been about "owning our desires" but it should also be about owning our lack of desires too. And for me at least I wanted to wait until I was married or to know that I was with someone who wasn't going to break my heart after I gave them everything.
So we were talking on Thursday about how it isn't appropriate to call women, girls. And I have been dealing with this at my job for years. I work at T's restaurant in East Greenwich as the greeter and hostess since they opened in 2008. Since I've been there for so long I've seen both sides of the story:
On one hand there are the older women who get really offended if I call them "girls". And I've been told off once by a woman who got really angry about it because she thought I was being totally disrespectful all because I didn't call her a lady.
But then on the other hand, there are so many more women who are so flattered to hear me call them girls. It literally makes their entire day, because they feel get to feel young again and they get this huge smile on their face.
So I totally understand the whole concept of saying "ladies" instead of "girls", but it really does depend on who is walking through my door. But I can usually tell at this point who is the type of person who would get annoyed by me calling them a girl and I can usually catch myself before it slips out.
I Am A Princess:
Disney's Press release on the "new image of princesses"
I think this is such a great start in changing how little girls view princesses, the whole "damsel in distress, prince charming needs to come save me" thing. But it's interesting I found the video on YouTube and I was expecting there to be a lot of support for the video and there was a bunch of comments saying how people liked the new image of princesses, and yet there were still some that were saying that we weren't doing enough for the boys. I have no problem if a guy wants to be a Princess, I say go for it. But I think that idea is a little extreme for Disney, especially for a commercial. It's baby steps. I am so excited about this Press Release!!! It makes me want to be a Princess again!!!
The last reading, Cinderella ate my Daughter by Peggy Orenstein went hand in hand with the film, I saw Generation M: Misogyny and Media Culture. Ronnie and I were the only ones at the film so we had a lot of fun and were able to make a lot of references and connections with the media culture they were showing.
I was going to write about the whole Barbie thing in this blog, but that was before I read the piece by So thOrenstein, but anyways. I have always had a problem with the media because of the "neat little boxes" they put genders into. Why do we always depict boys in the media as playing in the mud and girls playing house?
Although, I love the pink room, it's so ridiculous!
So what does this stuff mean? What is Media? According to dictionary.com they say Media isthemeansofcommunication, asradioandtelevision,newspapers, internet, andmagazines,that reachorinfluencepeoplewidely. And Misogyny? Noun - hatred,dislike,ormistrustofwomen. So someone's hatred, dislike, and mistrust of women is being depicted in the media that is being seen and heard by millions and billion of people every day... cool. Did you know that every second, 3 Barbies are sold? And did you know that there is a lingerie Barbie? I don't know about you but my favorite part about my Barbies was dressing them up, so why am I going to pay to get a Barbie that doesn't even come with a real outfit?
The film believes that society is defining femininity in a bad way. Although it is a great thing that there is female empowerment happening all across the world, it may not always be the best thing for females overall. The movie classified it as a growing hatred of women because of our growing empowerment. And therefore we have become sexual objects, second class citizens, and there is an increase in violence against women. The movie says women are empowering themselves through sex, which in turn is causing them to loose their power later on. It is evident in music videos like:
Promiscuous - Nelly Furtado ft. Timbaland
And of course another obvious song: Don't cha by the Pussy Cat Dolls. (Side-note: Ronnie and I felt as though their name brings a reputation to girls too, we think they should just change it to 'feline mannequins')
Now notice how there are no girls everyday average girls in these videos. And why is that? Because these girls are the epitome of perfection. They are what every guy wants, and what every girl wants to be. Throughout school all most girls want is to fit in. That's what I wanted and I would do almost anything to get it. But looking back at it, I was crazy! Society is crazy for putting these thoughts into young girls minds. Thoughts about being a size 2, about having sex with boys to be popular, about shopping being better than studying. And Pink realized that.
Pink - Stupid Girls
Dove Soap - Real Beauty
The movie said that happiness is linked to how we look. Which I completely agree with. Which is why with all these images in the media of how girls "should be", it is easy for them to be depressed, anxious, or have lower self-body images. It's how we've been socialized, for example in the 1990s, there was a study done in Fiji, where tv drastically altered their views of bodies. Where once they had healthy body weights and sizes and saw nothing wrong with them, as soon as the tv was brought in, they began saying they were "too fat" and stopped eating. It's commercials like the Victoria Secret commercial, that ask women, what is sexy? And give them the idealized beauty with no room for imperfections. Society has created a "perfect" idea of what a women should be and the "perfect" idea of what a man should be. So while women are forever on a quest for beauty perfection, men have to put on their "tough guise" in order to fit their roles. They must be aggressive and competitive, play video games like grand theft auto, like having sex with girls, and not care about their feelings. Guys "need to look tough to impress girls by wearing baggy pants and hoodies." Which is weird because I was talking to my boyfriend after we were watching "Breaking Bad" one night and the history of baggy pants came from a prison.
For all that enjoy wearing their pants below their butts... This trend was born in United States Jails. Prisoners who were willing to have sex with other prisoners needed to invent a signal, that would go unnoticed by guards, so they wouldn't suffer consequences. By partially showing their butts, they showed they were available to be penetrated by other inmates.
Ronie and I also noted that it's not right that the "N" word is so horrible, but rappers can say "bitch" is every other lyric and it's socially acceptable. We've made great strides in race but not in gender. Men like Rush Limbaugh, and movies like Borat put women in a roll that are almost impossible to get out of. The movie closes with boys and girls are just different - that's the way it is. It's in the genes.
I should start off by saying I am completely and totally bias on this subject... And that is because I totally was "that little girl", that was swallowed up by Cinderella. Literally, I loved her, adored her! I had Cinderella themed birthday parties, I had Cinderella bedding, I had Cinderella backpacks, I was even Cinderella for Halloween... for three years in a row. My mom says I could watch the movie a million times and never get sick of it.
Me as Cinderella and my brother as an Army Man Halloween 1994
The author argues that we are not teaching girls the true importance of being a girl. Orenstein begins by saying that through all of the fairy tales and "pinkification" we have taught girls that:
They must be feminine and wear dresses ("As for Mulan, when she does show up, it's in a kimono-like hanfu, the one that makes her miserable in the movie, rather than in her warrior's gear.")
They must live out the "princess fantasy".
They must have the perfect body, clothes, hair, jewelry, makeup, etc.
They must get the man --> the handsome prince
The list goes on and on. It's just ridiculous. It is because of this princess phenominon that girls no longer consider themselves as beautiful no matter what. I find it ironic that as an earlier post, I posted a video about Pantene Beautiful Lengths and how women shouldn't have to buy wigs after battling for their lives. They should know that they are beautiful even without their hair, but the Disney Princesses would disagree. We have yet to see a bald Princess, however Disney released a princess with short hair in 2010... well technically, she starts with long hair and in the end, the Prince has to cut it to save her.
My question is when are they going to come out with a Princess that isn't a size 0, because she would definitely be a princess I would look up to. And Pleasant Rowland knew that when she created the American girl line. Giving them, "notably realistic, childlike proportions - no Barbie bosoms here"!!! Thank God!
But still the royalty of a princess is what catches little girls eyes. Peggy argues that girls are loosing their creativity and imagination by linking their identity purely to their appearance because of the consumerism of Princesses and in a sense it's true.
"I despaired at the singular lack of imagination about girls' lives and interests, at the rows and rows of make-your-own jewelry/lip gloss/nail polish/fashion show craft kits at the drumbeat of the consumer feminine."
It's like asking a girl, "what do you want to be for Halloween?" The imagination is gone. I now ask my younger customers to choose for me, last year myself and my manager were Tinkerbell the fairy Vidia, per our customers request. She was 7 last year. So I asked her last week what she wanted me to be this year and now it's "a snow fairy or a snow princess"... Original. (So if anyone knows where to get a costume for a snow fairy/princess let me know)
The author argues that "girls' attraction to pink may seem unavoidable, somehow encoded in their DNA". And I would agree to some extent. I myself am a pink fanatic. I just completely love the color, I always have and I probably always will. I just think it's a "happy" color, because it just bright and cheerful to look at.
So I was skyping with my best friend, Gerianne, who is Haitian, from high school the other night and it reminded me of our conversations of racism and my article. My group kind of talked about how white women just don't understand black women, the article by Smith says, "It's not white women's fault that they have been raised, for the most part, not knowing how to talk to Black women, not knowing how to look us in the eye and laugh with us." (page 26) Anyways, to get to the point about talking with my my friend, growing up we lived in East Greenwich, a predominantly white community, and I think she was the only black kid in our graduating class. But we were best friends from the time I moved to East Greenwich, and her dad was my neurologist when I was diagnosed in 2008, so she is more of a sister, and her family is like another family to me.
When she was younger she had a girl come to her at elementary school or whatever and ask:
